You wouldn’t believe the night I had! So I go to this work at a camp, Camp Crystal Lake, which some people call Camp Blood. Yuck! Anyway, I’m not even sure I want to be here, but everyone has been super nice. Except that Annie girl. She never showed. Ugh! Cooks are so unreliable. There’s a lot of hard work setting up a camp and we were doing our jobs! The police even came by thinking we were smoking up the weed. Boy was he wrong! We were mainly there for easy sex. So Ned takes off and never comes back and then Marcie and Jack head off to “take a walk” and we never see them again either. So anyway, me, Bill and Brenda are playing strip Monopoly until a storm blows the front door open. So Brenda had to leave. And just when it was getting good. So it’s just me and Bill. Bill runs out for something and I swear I hear Brenda scream and see lights on. So Bill and I go to investigate and we can’t find anybody anywhere. Plus we find a bloody ax in bed. Double yuck! Who sleeps with an ax anyway? So we go back to the cabin and I decide to take a quick nap while Bill checks on the generator. Well, I wake up and Bill’s not back, so I go see if he needs help. And what do I find, but Bill hanging from the door with arrows stuck in him. Gee whiz. So I’m back in the cabin and Brenda’s corpse comes crashing through the window. Classic Brenda. She can be sooo rude sometimes. So I go running out of the cabin and there’s a sweet old lady pulling up. She sees what happened and starts acting all weird. Like, talking in a little kids voice weird. And that little kid is messed up! Anyway, she starts chasing me around with a machete. I knock her down a couple times, but she keeps after me. So I cut her head off. Super gross! So I climb into a canoe and row out into the water and fall asleep. I love sleeping! And I wake up and it’s a new day with police cars and sunshine and then that weirdo Jason kid jumps up and pulls me under water. What a jerk! And then I wake up in the hospital. Everybody else died, but they never found that boy. I know I told Steve I’d give it another week at Camp Crystal Lake, but after that night, no way! Besides, he’s dead. Boy, am I rethinking this career in camp counseling after all. But I’ll worry about that later. I’m sleepy again. Until next time.