The first beer takes a while. It doesn’t taste good. It’s not at all what your body wants, but it’s what it needs. It’s not the flavor, or the carbonation, the malt, the hops, the bitterness; it’s the dehydration. It’s you body saying, “seriously, dude? Seriously?” Last night was a rough one and the body is all too aware of it. It doesn’t matter that you drank as much water as your stomach could hold. It helps, but it’s not a cure. No, you’re paying the price today and that’s why beer is the only option.
It may take some time, but once the first beer is down, ideally with something fatty and greasy, the real game begins. That first one begins the road back to normalcy. The second goes down much easier and puts the world back together. By then the hangover feels like a thing of the past and life feels like it normally does, albeit with a slightly hazy gloss. It’s possible to smile again, at least without grunting first. That buzz in the head has mellowed into a satisfying hum. Once the second one is down is when the real game begins.
By this point if you haven’t taken a quality dump yet, you will, especially if you’ve eaten. Think of it like your body dispersing all the toxins you put in there last night, it’s a comfort where there is little when you’re agonizing on toilet seat. Now it’s time to cut the snake off at the head. A third beer means a new party begins and the whole damn thing will be waiting for you tomorrow. It will be a fun day, but the price goes up each day evading the fallout.
It’s not a perfect system. It’s really not even a good system, but sometimes it’s enough to get you through and in our instant gratification society, sometimes two beers is all anyone needs.