styx babe

Babe I’m leaving, I must be on my way
the time is drawing near

I can still hear the intro. That fucking piano twinkling out the cheesiest music box, ballerina twirling in the light of a desk, intro to a song ever created. Thanks Styx. Really, I have nothing against Styx. They are one of my dad’s favorite bands. And uncle’s. And they still tour all the time, so, clearly, countless others. But having to sing that song as a seventh grader in mandatory Choir class made me hate it. Hate it sooo much. When I hear it at Kroger and it sends shivers up the back of my neck it reminds me how much I hate it, even still.

I’ve brought it up to co-workers and friends. It has become a topic of conversation at times. I know it’s ridiculous, but deeply embedded in my soul is the pain of ‘Babe’. It’s like scratching a chalkboard or a fork scratching a plate or tearing your fingernail, which I am also slightly petrified of as well, but hearing that song irritates me in that same way. It makes me cringe; you know, that physical, convulsive cringe that you can’t really explain to someone standing next you. It’s like a pee shiver, but a clenched teeth, squinting, butt clenching, toe curling, unpleasant pee shiver.

You know it’s you Babe
whenever I get weary and I’ve had enough

We had to sing it over and over, our pubescent voices crackling out in an uninterested drone. It was torture. Most of us had no interest in Choir, but being forced to be there stoked a defiance already found in teenagers like it was nature following it’s course. We joked, we laughed, we talked, occasionally we sang, but mostly we were an annoyance to our teacher. He knew we didn’t want to be there and he probably didn’t either much of the time, but he still had a class to teach and concerts to put together without a major meltdown. Looking back, he did a pretty good job, as far as I can remember. I don’t remember anyone going crazy during a concert, although, to be fair, I don’t remember much of seventh grade anymore. And thank god! Who wants to relive those years?

All that said, I still kind of blame him for my hatred of that song. And I still fucking hate that song. Fuck you Styx, you talented sons’a’bitches. Of course, I could be wrong. If you are unfamiliar of this song I recommend you give it a listen. You might think the song’s great and I’m just an idiot. And if you already know and love the song, I’m not the least bit sorry for what I’ve said about Styx. That’s what art is all about. If you love it, then love it with all your heart because I’ll be over here hating it with all mine. And that makes it fun. And maybe you know and hate it as well, or are listening to it right now thinking, man this song sucks. To you all, I give mental high fives. You guys rule!

Babe I love you.


The Night the Cavs Won a Title

Cleveland Cavaliers

I’m going to make an aberration. Usually I try to keep things light, fictional and comedy based, but I’m from northeast Ohio and I’m a sports fan and the Cleveland Cavaliers just won the NBA Finals and I can’t help but be really, really happy. So I’m writing about the Cavs tonight. Hopefully for you non-sports fans it will still be somewhat entertaining.

I have been a Cavs fans since the Mark Price era and I was one of the few that pulled against Michael Jordan and the Bulls because they always seemed to pull up with a key shot to beat us. The shot Jordan made over Craig Ehlo was like a curse resting over Cavs lore, Cleveland lore for that matter, for years. It was something that seemingly couldn’t be erased, it epitomized Cleveland sports, until now.

Cleveland fans no longer have to remember the fumble, or the shot, or the drive, or the Marlins because we now have a championship. Bill Simmons, the former ESPN and current HBO sports journalist has long since said that God hates Cleveland because of the seeming curse of Cleveland sports. That’s over now. The owner of the Cavs, Dan Gilbert, said during the celebration that God loves Cleveland and I can’t help but agree with him. Call me a homer, but damn it feels good to be on the winning side.

Lebron James came back to The Land to bring a championship home and he did it. He put up epic performances in the series that will go down in history. He helped carry the Cavs over a historic Golden State team in a way not many players can. Kyrie Irving played incredibly well, hitting probably the most important shot of the entire series. The much maligned Kevin Love grabbed offensive rebounds, Tristan Thompson battled in the paint, JR Smith hit some big 3’s, Iman Shumpert drained an and 1 three, Richard Jefferson battled hard, Mo Williams, Delly, Channing Frye, even Dahntay Jones and Timofey Mozgov. That team brought a championship to Cleveland and we will be forever grateful that they did.

As a Cavs fan I am extremely happy for myself and other Cleveland fans. We have been waiting for so long and we finally get to celebrate the way we’ve watched so many others celebrate for the last 52 years. We’re finally on top. We are Believeland! Go Cavs!



the combined smells of a slowly filling room stay apart,
unsure of who to meet with
hesitant, for who is an ally?

someone farts a few feet ahead of us
they know it, we know it, but we only drift a few small steps away so we don’t lose our spot
not even a customary crop dust
no, I can see the person that farted
swaying side to side, talking to friends
just a few steps ahead
the arrogance of the scent
it’s a momentary concern
unpleasant, but momentary

the smells still distinct
the farter has made their mark, but they are just one of the many

as the music begins the crowd pushes closer to the stage and the smells begin to mingle
and become friends

with the swell of sound and beer cans tossed into trash bins, we squeeze closer
the room nearly full, the songs build upon one another and we sweat together, dancing, drinking, watching musicians play songs we love and some we will grow to love
b.o., burps, farts, dirty socks, sweat, beer
they blend as one as we lose track of them and ourselves
we stink, there is no doubt about that, but dammit, we stink together.